A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
