we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize