i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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