i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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