Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
