I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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