pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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