I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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