I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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