yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
