Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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