Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
