So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
