I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
