its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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