do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
