I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
