I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
