to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
