Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
