Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
