Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
