We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
