why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
