STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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