I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
