No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
