one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
