wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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