Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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