If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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