The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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