everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
