Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
