i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
