sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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