is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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