At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo