There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
