oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
