Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
