it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How's work?
Spinning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
