why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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