im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
