When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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