I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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