After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
