apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
