Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I deserve this hangover.
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