I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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