Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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