I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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