Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
