Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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