theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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