Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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