My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
