I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize