I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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