I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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