The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
