Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
