She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
