Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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