i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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