how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
