Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
