I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
