He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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