We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
