I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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