Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
