I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
