I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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