thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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