He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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