He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
