I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
