did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize