Banned from zoo.
Again?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
