I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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