Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
