I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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