So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
