By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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