...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
